Tuesday, June 5, 2007

One Small Step for Man from U.N.C.L.E.
by Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

So The World of Nonny Nu will never be the same, as The Man from U.N.C.L.E. ventures for the very first time into the realm of guest blog contributor. Let's all pray to our personal higher power(s) that it isn't all awkward and fumble-y and pre-mature like so many other first times. I've taken the necessary precautions such as they are (*thought about cement* *recited alphabet backwards* *got hung up at the illusive PONML and had to start over*) and hope Nonny Nu's readers will do the same.

When Nonny Nu asked last week if I'd be interested in contributing, I was all gung-whore, thinking that I could whip something off without much thought. But writing - even minus all items of apparel which were quickly shed (obviously with no brain activity) - only showed how bereft of clothing and original thought I was. I got filled with anxiety like I was during my other first time, worrying if I'd measure up to all the guest bloggers that Nonny Nu had had before; the adventureous Monkeypig, the cleverly frustrated Freelance Midget, and the fish seeking Cl. Panic. Would I be as good as them? Would I be as good as Nonny Nu was to her own blog? Would my contributions warrant a second date? Would it be as good for you as I hope it'd be for me? And what about my needs?

After I pulled myself together and stopped whining like a little cry-baby bitch, I pulled up my bootstraps and turned my brave face to the world (of Nonny Nu). I began bold brainstorming as a technique of foreplay. I put on my most seductive, pleading gaze and romanced this blog. Soon this very blog entry was screaming, "Yes, Yes, Yes!!!" Then, "No, No, No!!!" To which, much like my last first time - I replied "Ooops!"

Damn! Pre-mature again.


So with that as the pre-amble of this very first guest blog contribution by the Man from U.N.C.L.E., I am still filled with questions. I spend a lot of time on the internet and find that most often the people I end up conversing with are women. Women of all ages and backgrounds with diverse levels of education and a multitudinous range of personal and psychological development. It would be like striking gold or finding diamonds or falling into an Amazon Jungle if I were a straight male, but that is not the case. So I ask you - wise and beloved readers of TWoNN - put on your Will & Grace thinking caps and tell me what it is about us gay guys that straight women find so fascinating? Why are we so safe to befriend? Do you think that somewhere in the recesses of some straight women's minds that they want to be the one who straightens out us men loving men (pun intended)? Or are we really just substitute girlfriends for them?


* I apologize in retrospect for my completely 1957 technological ability to post cool links within the text. Even with the previous Nonny Nu tutorial, I still require remedial lessons.

33 comments:

  1. NN is a bad teacher. There is actually a button on the "Compose" blog screen next to the text color and text size buttons that looks like an infinity sign (or chain links) - just highlight the text you want to link and then click on that "chain link" button and a box will appear. All you have to do is copy and paste the link into the pop up box where it says URL. Voila.

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh, and regarding your gay guy/fag hag conundrum:

    it's not about turning guys straight. it's about watching too much will & grace, and thinking every gay man is either will or jack (what fun we shall have! tra la!).

    it's like an extended childhood dressup and let's play _______ (fill in the blank) game.

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  3. "NN is a bad teacher. There is actually a button on the "Compose" blog screen next to the text color and text size buttons that looks like an infinity sign (or chain links) - just highlight the text you want to link and then click on that "chain link" button and a box will appear. All you have to do is copy and paste the link into the pop up box where it says URL. Voila. "

    Huh?

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  4. "it's not about turning guys straight. it's about watching too much will & grace, and thinking every gay man is either will or jack (what fun we shall have! tra la!)."

    I'm gonna toss that theory aside and the one I initially postulated in my original guest blog - because basically the whole turning guys straight theory is poppycock. Generally, I am not open to disclose my orientation in my everyday internet activity - so it's not as if these women who befriend me have a clue that I'm gay. (Unless, unbeknownst to me, my text and font choice radiate the "He's safe and gay!!!" vibe to them.)

    So what this leads me to question is are (gross generalization coming in 3...2...1) straight women so starved for conversation with semi-literate goofs of the opposite sex that they forego the usual skepticism my straight male friends meet with in person? Are the women on the internet that desperate? It certainly can't be because my charm is anything comparable to the charm of those same straight men who strike out with these straight women. So what is it?

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  5. MFU: i left you instructions on how to properly link words (without having the ugly URL's showing up in your blog post). "NN is a bad teacher" because she taught you the HTML-hard way of linking...no need for code using my method, you just need to be able to click on buttons to link your text.

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  6. Freelance Midget: The instructions for linking text (at the bottom of the blog) are for comments. There is no "chain link" button on the comment page. That's why I had to teach it old school. GAH!! You are such a wuss when it comes to programming.

    FM: "Where's the clicky boxy thingy?? I want to just click and link!! Why can't I just click?? WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

    You know, back in my Fortran days...OH, FORGET IT!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Man from U.N.C.L.E.: Well, I can't explain what the grossly generalized reasoning is, but I can tell you why I talked to you. You just came across as a thoughtful person who was empathetic and nice about telling me that you thought I was retarded. Very simple, see? I'm not sure if most gay men are like that, but my best friend in high school was gay, and we were best friends for years before he came out to me.

    P.S. I fixed your links in your blog entry and left the content alone. We're not Communist here, you know?

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  8. Hey, Nonny Nu thanks for fixing the links/text thing. I read the probably very simple instructions that freelance midget left me, tried it, and still had the ugly URLs laughing at me and slapping my face with my techneptitude. There's a reason I chose the passing out Government cheese career - and it wasn't because of my altruistic love of people!

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  9. "MFU: i left you instructions on how to properly link words (without having the ugly URL's showing up in your blog post)."


    I can't stop laughing about the abbreviation of my name. Did Rev. Valentine graduate from MFU?

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Did Rev. Valentine graduate from MFU?"

    no, but for a time in the mid-70s he was an honorary admissions director.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I adore my male gay friends. I think I love them because they are so unique. Finally a man that will actually talk to me without staring at "the girls"! (Even though some of my gay friends still do that, but they do it in awe, and not in lust).

    Also, I find gay men (for the most part) to be very warm and kind. It is nice for a woman to be able to take comfort on a man's shoulder if she's upset.

    I find it entertaining to undress around my male friends. They will tell you which parts are "smokin'" and which parts could "really use some work, honey" without pitching a tent! How perfect is that??

    There are many reasons...but never once have I wanted to turn one of my gay friends straight. I admire them for being who they are, despite some cruel backlash that tends to go around.

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  12. yeah, i know what you mean. i love all my lesbian friends. i mean, do you know how nice it is to finally be around a broad without her bitching about stupid shit? how cool is that!

    i like them 'cause they're unique, too. i can't help my temptation to undress in front of them, because (if they're really cool) they'll grab my package but won't want to snuggle or any of that other crap. afterward, we can usually get a pick-up game going. fuckin' a!

    and, hey, most of them can take a punch. a chick who fights back without a bunch of whining and crying. what more can a man ask for?

    gimme some love! high-five!

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  13. Ha Ha Ha. Yeah, I know where you're coming from THRUSH. And it is kind of a challenge to get a pick up game going with a bunch gay men because we usually spend an hour deciding whether we should wear the black leather shoes to match our shorts or the white High Tops for additional ankle support. These things matter, people!!!!

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  14. Wow, sweetsieweatsie, you'd undress in front of your gay friends? I don't think I could do that. In fact, I know I couldn't do that.

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  15. oh, and regarding your gay guy/fag hag conundrum:

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