Happy Birthday to Man from U.N.C.L.E. !!

I great big "happy birthday" to a dear friend, Man from U.N.C.L.E. I got all dressed up for it.

Haven't heard from you for a while, Man. I hope you and your little bro are doing well. Enjoy the little cake and strawberry. Please remember to brush your teeth afterward.

Your pal,
nn

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Happy Birthday, Man from U.N.C.L.E.!!

For the man who bares his soul through a microphone and a karaoke machine, happy birthday to my dear friend, Man from U.N.C.L.E. (I'm going to call you "Chris" for this post, though, because "Man from U.N.C.L.E." couldn't fit on the cake so I had to write "Chris" instead).

Long, long ago, on a message board far, far away, I met Chris and we have pretty much been friends ever since. No, like with ogunsgirl, Chris and I have never actually met, but we are thick as thieves. From what I understand, Chris lets it all out when he walks onto the stage. He simply embodies the music. Don't believe me? Check out the following pics I found of Chris on the Internet... (It was really tough finding these actual photos of Chris since he is from U.N.C.L.E. and we don't really even know his true name.)

Here is Chris doing his rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman."

Here is Chris singing the vocals and backup for "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'."

In this photo, Chris (right) sings the harmony for the theme song to 射雕英雄傳 (Legend of the Condor Heroes).

Finally, here's Chris doing Eminem's "Lose Yourself" (I *think* that might be Chris' little brother next to him).

Happy birthday, Man from U.N.C.L.E.!!

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300 Movies You Must See Before You Dieby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

Okay. So I am sitting in my doctor's office today for a 10:15 appointment. It's 12:15 and the office lobby still is littered with 4 of the same fools who were waiting when I got here at 10:00. I've exhausted the fine literature in the lobby and my mind needs distraction from the boiling rage I feel simmering just below the surface. The last selection on the rack is the May 2008 edition of Maxim Men's Magazine. Are you familiar with its content? If not, here's the magazine's home page (http://www.maxim.com/ ). This is not my favored reading material, but the slim pickens of distractible stimuli are leaving me with a choice of counting the moles on left arm of the sniffling lady on my right (then distinguishing which ones have hair growing out of them) or diving into cover girl Elisha Cuthbert's tell-all secrets.



What draws my attention is the Header declaring that Maxim Editors have determined the 300 Movies that Every Red Blooded American Male Must See Before He Dies! So I go for it, figuring that the Editors of Maxim have very puerile evaluation skills and I can boost my ego by being a sophisticated movie snob in comparison to their selections. Well, in thumbing through their list I surprisingly found my tastes to follow closely with theirs. I quickly jotted down the list of movies knowing that because I had found something that actually captured my interest it would not fail that the Doctor would see me within the next 13 seconds.

COMEDIES:
Monty Python and The Holy Grail
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
The Big Lebowski
Kingpin
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America...
This Is Spinal Tap (MY LOVE FOR NIGEL TUFNEL IS WELL KNOWN)
Airplane!
Animal House
American Pie
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Bachelor Party
Bananas
Beverly Hills Cop
Blazing Saddles
Caddyshack
The Cannonball Run
Clerks
Dazed & Confused
Duck Soup
Dumb and Dumber
Election (THERE ARE SOME JARRING SCENES IN THIS FILM- I THINK IT"S THE EDITING)
The 40 YearOld Virgin
Ghostbusters
Groundhog Day (BET YOU DIDN"T KNOW THAT GROUNDHOG DAY WAS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY, BUT NOT BECAUSE OF THIS FILM)
Happy Gilmore
Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
It's A Mad, Mad, Mad World
The Jerk
Modern Times
The Nutty Professor
Office Space
Old School
The Pink Panther Strikes Again
The Princess Bride
Raising Arizona (ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES IN MOVIES OCCURS HERE)
Sixteen Candles ("NO MORE YANKY MY WANKY -THE DONGER NEEDS FOOD!")
Some Like It Hot
Trading Places
Vacation
Wedding Crashers
Wet Hot American Summer
Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
Young Frankenstein

WAR:
The Bridge on the River Kwai
Dr. Strangelove (PETER SELLERS WAS A GREAT CHARACTER ACTOR)
The Deer Hunter
Apocalypse Now
Black Hawk Down
The Dirty Dozen
Gallopoli
The Great Escape
M*A*S*H
Platoon
Saving Private Ryan

SO BAD THEY'RE GOOD:
Showgirls
Glen or Glenda?
Airport 1975
Barbarella
Battlefield Earth
Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls
Death Race 2000
Phantom of the Paradise
Reefer Madness
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
The Toxic Avenger

REBELS:
Cool Hand Luke (IN SCHOOL PLAYS I PATTERNED MY CHARACTER ON STROTHER MARTIN'S FROM COOL HAND LUKE)
Taxi Driver
Sid & Nancy
Easy Rider
Billy Jack
Dirty Harry
Dirty Mary Crazy Larry
Ferris Beuller's Day Off (BELEIVE IT OR NOT, FERRIS WAS TOO MUCH OF A SMART-ASS FOR ME TO LIKE HIM)
The Graduate
A History of Violence
The Hustler
The King of Comedy
Network
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Raging Bull
Risky Business
Smokey and the Bandit
Three Days of The Condor
Trainspotting

CLASSICS:
The Adventures of Robin Hood
Lawrence of Arabia
Kind Hearts and Coronets
Ben-Hur
Casablanca
Double Indemnity
Metropolis
The Night of the Hunter (ROBERT MITCHUM IS GREAT HERE)
On The Waterfront
The Third Man
Touch of Evil
Vertigo (HERE'S A BIT OF TRIVIA I DON"T THINK I'VE EVER TOLD NN. JIMMY STEWART IS MY FAVORITE ACTOR OF ALL TIME)
White Heat
The Wizard of Oz

SCI-FI/FANTASY: (JEEZ! I NEVER REALIZED I LIKED SCI-FI SO MUCH)
The Empire Strikes Back
Starship Troopers
2001: A Space Odyssey
Alien/Aliens
Back to the Future
Blade Runner
Children of Men
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
E.T.
King Kong
Planet of the Apes
Star Wars
Terminator/T2

HORROR:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Night of the Living Dead
Carrie
The Exorcist
The Fly
Halloween
Jaws
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Psycho ("IT'S MY MOTHER!", TH EXPLANATION MANY GAY GUYS USE)
Rosemary's Baby
The Shining (JACK AT HIS WEIRDEST)
28 Days Later

WESTERNS:
Jeremiah Johnson
The Searchers
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE FILMS, THE EPITOME OF BUDDY MOVIES)
High Noon
High Plains Drifter
Tombstone
True Grit
Unforgiven
The Wild Bunch

BUDDY MOVIES:
The Last Detail
Top Gun (HAVE TO COMMENT ON THE HOMOEROTIC SHIRTLESS VOLLEYBALL SCENE)
Superbad
Deliverence
American Graffiti
The Blues Brothers (HAS INSPIRED GREAT KARAOKE)
Breaking Away
Glengarry GlenRoss
The Goonies
Lethal Weapon
The Right Stuff
Saturday Night Fever
The Shawshank Redemption
Stand By Me
Stripes
Swingers
The Warriors

ACTION:
Rocky I - IV
The Matrix
The Road Warrior
Batman
Batman Begins
Battle Royale
Bourne Trilogy
Braveheart
Clash of the Titans
Die Hard
Enter the Dragon
Face/Off
First Blood
48 Hrs.
Gladiator
The Incredibles (I HATED THIS MOVIE)
Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Predator
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Speed
Spider-Man

NON-GRATUITOUS NUDITY:
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Wild Things
Carnal Knowledge
Angel Heart (CREEPY SUBJECT MATTER, THIS ONE DISTURBS ME, DENIRO AND ROURKE ARE GREAT)
Body Heat
Boogie Nights
Coffy
Jackass:The Movie
McCabe & Mrs. Miller
Mulholland Drive
Poison Ivy: The New Seduction
Revenge of the Nerds
10

ART HOUSE:
A Clockwork Orange
City of God
Annie Hall
Withnail and I
Midnight Cowboy ("I"M WALKIN' HERE!")
Badlands
The Bicycle Thief
The Conversation
Do The Right Thing (I REALLY LIKE SPIKE LEE MOVIES, THIS IS MY FAVORITE S.L. FILM)
Elephant Man
The Last Picture Show
Repo Man
Rushmore
Short Cuts
There Will Be Blood

MINDBENDERS:
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Akira
Beetlejuice
Blue Velvet
Brazil
Donnie Darko
Edward Scissorhands
Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
Fight Club
Memento
Pink Floyd:The Wall
The Manchurian Candidate

COPS:
Bullitt
To Live and Die in L.A.
Hard Boiled
Bad Lieutenant
Chinatown
The Departed
Donnie Brasco
Fargo (MADE THE PHRASE "I THINK I'M GONNA BARF" COMEDY GOLD)
The French Connection
RoboCop
Se7en
Shaft
The Silence of the Lambs
The Untouchables

CRIMINALS:
The Godfather I & II
No Country For Old Men
Reservoir Dogs
Bonnie & Clyde (MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOVIE!!!)
Atlantic City
Bad Boys
Bloody Mama
The Boys from Brazil
Boyz N the Hood
Carlito's Way
Casino
Crimes & Misdemeanors
Dog Day Afternoon
The Getaway
Get Carter
GoodFellas
Heat
A History of Violence
In Cold Blood
The Long Good Friday
Mean Streets
Midnight Express
Natural Born Killers
Pulp Fiction
River's Edge
Scarface
Sexy Beast
Sin City
Super Fly
True Romance

So there you have it. My doctor didn't call me in just about 13 seconds into copying the list, more like 13 minutes, but I scrambled nonetheless to abbreviate, hyphenate, and conjugate these film titles before I had to go to the exam room. By the time I got to the exam room my hand was about to fall off and a blister extended from my second knuckle on my pinky down the side of my hand to my wrist from the furious transcribing action of my hand flying over the mag and the notebook I was writing in. I have taken the time to italicize the movies which I've seen. I think there are 185 in all that I've seen. Ironic that the Man from U.N.C.L.E. never really considered himself to be that much of a man. Are there ones on the list that you think I must see? Are there some not on the list that you would recommend over the list?

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Challenge of the Day -- Questions

How's everyone doing? Is it any wonder that I hope everyone is doing fine? Well, what could this blog entry be about? Would you allow me to explain?

Did you know that Man from U.N.C.L.E., ogunsgirl, PurpleNiobe, and I met on another website? And, did you know that by "met," I mean that we have only had contact with each other online? Isn't that crazy?! Yet, how could we have become such good friends?

Can anyone doubt that part of our friendship is based upon having a common activity? Has anyone guessed that one of these common activities was participation in a challenge in which everything that anyone posted for a 24-hour period would be 100% questions?

Isn't it obvious that I am declaring April 3 to be a day upon which we at TWoNN participate in this activity for old time's sake? Isn't it even more obvious that I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel for subject matter upon which to post? Won't you join me, starting at 12:00am PST on April 3 (that's 3:00am EST for Man from U.N.C.L.E.), for a TWoNN Question-fest?

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TWoNN Hall Meeting: TWoNN Citizen of the Year Award

Hello, world!

Today, I want to share a conversation with you. It is a deep and meaningful conversation that just puts a different perspective on things. I don't want to scare you, but I actually do have plans for our little blog. I like to call them "festivities," but feel free to apply your own labels.

In February, I challenged myself to post one blog entry per day. Okay, okay, so I chose the shortest month (but it is a Leap Year), might have underperformed sometimes, and deliberately announced the challenge in the marquee so there wouldn't be any actual evidence (e.g., a blog entry) of the promise I made. But it really got me to see that I can't just expect our blog to run itself. I must participate. I must treat it as a job (for lack of a better word, since this is one of the most enjoyable of the semi-regular activities in my life). I must make it a point to post here because "trying to" doesn't do it (the last entry I posted was four days ago).

But, this recent decline of blogging frequency is just one half of the participation puzzle. Another event has now forced my hand. I wasn't going to unveil this until March 15, but I fear it may be too late, so I will do it now. The one-year anniversary of TWoNN is coming up! April 15 is the date. Easy to remember, right? So, I had planned to conduct a trivia contest whereby a TWoNN Citizen of the Year is chosen. Of course, the selection will have a random slant to it (more on that later). But first, allow me to share with you the conversation that occurred earlier this week. This is the event that forced my hand.

Freelance Midget is favorite niece (don't tell your sister), and we chat during the day (via gmail) sometimes. She is a graduate of a prestigious university, and a very bright individual. One chink in her armor, I am grieved to reveal, is her knowledge of TWoNN history. Check it out (chat and email to be read in conjunction with each other):



Are you witnessing this? It seems that America's general blase attitude toward anything educational has seeped into TWoNN and its citizenry. One of the most important topics of TWoNN--Maggi Sauce, its origins and uses--completely forgotten by one of our brightest. Hang your head in shame, Midge. I hope your mom (3-fish) isn't reading this.

The above conversation and the realization that I must commit myself [insert crazy joke here] has encouraged me to launch the next TWoNN activity ahead of schedule. Okay, so, TWoNN Citizen of the Year--WHAT IS IT?? TWoNNCotY is a competition to determine who might be the most knowledgeable TWoNN citizen alive. The reason why I say "might be" is because I have devised a scoring system that has a random component. In the next month, I will try to come up with a trivia question each day* and the person who gets the answer first gets the points associated with the question. And, how many points does the answerer get? That will be determined by this. Yes, that's right. Either Mr. Nonny Nu or I will roll a die to determine how many points the person will get (and we won't do that until the question is answered--so don't even try to get all efficient and select only high-value questions to go after, Stillman).

The winner will be determined on April 15, and will receive a TWoNN trophy along with a certificate of appreciation. TWoNNCotY begins tomorrow, so be sure to look out for it!

Note: Play is suspended on the Chinese Idiom Game until TWoNNCotY is over, or it is revealed that Man from U.N.C.L.E. is actually Man from C.H.I.N.A., whichever occurs first.

* Like the Chinese Idiom game, the trivia question will change either when it is answered correctly, or when I can't stand it anymore.

[edit] Due to popular demand, the number of questions have been capped at 3 per day.

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Don't Stare at The Sunsby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

The Phoenix Suns (Mr. NN's favorite team) made a big trade right before the NBA trade deadline that was supposed to secure the top spot in their Western Conference playoff run over 2006-07 chumps San Antonio, the Dallas Mavericks and the hated L.A. Lakers. When I say big, I mean man mountain big. All 340 pounds of Shaquille O'Neal, all 340 pounds squeezed into his little Suns uni, all 340 pounds brought in to Phoenix to add strength and toughness to the formerly run and gun Suns. And after Shaq's first 6 games, it appears that all those 340 pounds do is to block out the Suns. The Suns have a 2-4 record with Shaq in the line-up and have fallen out of the top spot in the Western Conference.

Is this a case of the rich getting greedy? Was it worth the sacrifice to get a formerly great player that had been slowed in recent years by injuries sustained from the constant pounding he had taken over a 15 year playing career, one that really could never fit into the system that had been successful all these years? Was Shawn Marion, the main player let go by The Suns, such an unsettling force in the locker room that Suns G.M Steve Kerr had to get rid of him even if it destroyed the magical chemistry that The Suns seemed to have on the court? Marion (who was my favorite player on the Suns) has such a unique combination of outside shooting touch, the ability to fill the lane on a fast break to be on the receiving end of all those miraculous Steve Nash passes, and is capable of defending all five other positions of the opposing team's line-up. Shaq, by comparison, is just a huge immobile mountain of - yes, I'll say it - fatness, and it has completely changed the Suns game.

Have you ever thought something looked so good you had to have it, but then when you got it home it just didn't fit with the rest of your stuff? Has something seemed so desirable until you had a chance to try it out, and discovered that what you had before was better? I think the Suns are finding that out the hard way.

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Walking Pneumonia: The NEW South Beach Diet

Those of us who are healthy as horses must be resigned to the fact that any weightloss program is going to be hard won and will require us to actually do something instead of just sitting around and withering away. Take yours truly, for instance. Many of you know that I've been trying to keep up my 3 days per week running routine. I've done that for the past three weeks, but it's so hard to get out and do it, especially when it's raining and the sun goes down like at 3:30 in the afternoon.

But, take a look at Man from U.N.C.L.E. Did you know that he lost 12 pounds in a matter of a few weeks? All without lifting a finger. He calls it "walking pneumonia." We should all be so lucky. According to a lung specialist at the Mayo Clinic, walking pneumonia isn't severe enough to require bed rest or hospitalization. I really don't see how this is an illness. Seems like a rather extravagant diet plan. Anywhoo, if you're out there, Man from U.N.C.L.E., down another Mycoplasma pneumoniae for me!

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Friskies Commercialby Sushi Cat (Madison Avenue guest blogger)

Hello, everybody!

How are you? I am fine. I have been a very busy kitty. Friskies International recently hired yours truly to film a commercial for them. So, I sat down at a windowsill and tried to figure out what was the best place a kitty could be. I came up with two and couldn't decide which one would be best--at home with the kitty's momma and daddy, or in Pet Paradise. So, being the writer and director of the commercial, I decided to put both in! I found a male model named "Morris" to star in the commercial (he lives next door to me in Pet Paradise), and the rest of my pals also pitched in. Here is the commercial:


Morris as Himself
Written and directed by Sushi Cat
Produced by Cotton Doggie (Mr. Nonny Nu's doggie)
Cinematography by Mr. Jones (Man from U.N.C.L.E.'s kitty)
Sound by Happy (PurpleNiobe's doggie)
Catered by Jennie, Craft Service's PP representative (PurpleNiobe's doggie)
Hair and Makeup by Coco (3-Fish's and Freelance Midget's doggie)
Gaffer...Jazmine (PurpleNiobe's doggie)

...there's more to this story--click me!

Remember When...? by Terrified Guest Blogger Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Think back to those "Golden Days of Yesteryear", (or "Yesterday" for young 'un, FM), when you were taking that first step from adolescence to young adulthood. What do you recall as the transitioning event that signaled your alleged maturation? Was it actually having someone that admitted to being your first girl/boyfriend? Was it earning the big money from your after-school job? Do you think it's different for girls and boys?

Speaking for myself, that big signal of being "grown" was when I was first starting to drive a car. The thing is, though I don't remember being all that big-headed about it. Driving allowed me to get back and forth to my less than minimum wage earning, grease pit cleaning, bus boy job. It was functional. Now, my little brother has been taking $6,000,000 driving lessons this summer offered by the driving experts at SEARS. Of course, after 12 classroom meetings of 2 hours each and 8 trips behind the wheel with 1 hour as driver and 1 hour as observer, my little brother is now The Universally Recognized Messiah of The U.S. Transportation Network! This dude knows it all!

After all this extensive training, he is still supposed to get completely unnecessary (according to him) road experience driving with me. I even had to go to a class to learn how to be both his non-judgmental and supportive "driving coach." So we loaded up the family vehicle. Little Bro was doing fairly well with his driving distances and awareness of traffic signs, etc. for the first 15 minutes. During the next 30 minutes, we took a drive through our city and headed to the bank. I asked him to execute a left turn at an intersection from a complete stop, (execute being the operative word, as you read on!), and thus began the Domino Effect. A guy behind us Honked! - Little Bro failed to look right! - Little Bro Panicked! - Little Bro floored it! - Little Bro didn't see the oncoming 300 ton municipal bus careening our way! - "Non-judgmental and supportive" Big Bro driving coach, (me), seeing that I was about to become significantly intimate with a diesel engine cam shaft, screamed out, "BUUUUUUSSSS!!!!!" - Little Bro swerved dramatically still further in front of Sandra Bullock! - Little Bro lectured, "Don't Yell At Me! That's NOT At All Supportive!!!" - Big Bro said, "Get out of the way of the bus!" - The barreling 55 mph bus switched lanes to avoid us! - Little Bro pulled in the bank parking lot! - Big Bro collected his wits! - Big Bro drove home! - Little Bro sulked! So we're still patching that up.

What are your memories of learning to drive?

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Is It Summer Recess For Nu, Nu & Nu, LLP?by Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR:

Much like the U.S. Supreme Court, have the Nus taken a break from all the pressing issues that shape The World of Nonny Nu? Is Nonny Nu taking a European vacation like Chief Justice Roberts? Is Mr. Nonny Nu relaxing in a jacuzzi a la Justice Scalia? Is the youngest Nu partner, Sushi, getting an Alito-like cat nap?

Sure the Nus have made rulings in this year alone on the providence of changing the KFC chicken recipe, tackled the environmental crisis of wayward beasts roving through their backyard wilderness sanctuary, and boldly taken a stand on tenants' rights. Their decisions have accrued bi-partisan support. It's has been a dramatic judicial term.

Here's the problem though. Yeah - the Nus have had the weight of the World of Nonny Nu on their capable shoulders , but what gives? Regular stiffs like me have to work year round - often with Zero Day Weekends - instead of getting an entire summer off. The Nus have received ample compensation from the citizens of their jurisdiction to continue making the tough decisions on a year round basis. I say The Nus should get No Holidays!!!

No Nus is Bad Nus!!!

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What's on Nonny Nu's White Board?by Cl. Panic (guest blogger + 4D stalker)

So I get back, and find this on NN's white board. Someone has to keep this site updated!

Apparently the birthday fairies swooped down on Nu Nu & Nu LLP, becuase this is what I found when I returned from my little trip.

Given a telltale sign, I have a pretty good clue who might have been behind these shenanigans!

...there's more to this story--click me!

Let's Talk About Fat, Bay-Beeby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

Friends and family will tell you that I will never be confused with a health nut. I enjoy being a peasant in His Royal Highness' Burger Kingdom far too much for that. And The King has such delicious breakfastststs that I'll always be a faithful follower.

See, the drive-thru experience has made life just too easy for lazy asses like myself, who want that extra twenty minutes of sleep we can get by not making our own breakfasts in the morning. It's simple to spend five minutes (on a good day, when Marianne or Romero haven't been doing bong hits the night before) pulling up and sailing away from the window with artery clogging materials to eat on the way to work. Yeah, the old Chevy Cavalier may get a little messy - (actual digital photo of my car *) but it will save me from scrubbing 8 hour dried and caked on oatmeal when I get home, in addition to the dinner dishes I have to do.

The truth of the matter is I don't mind cooking dinners. I am fairly adept at an astounding 6 recipes (no joke), and neighborhood stray dogs (or other critters) only turn their noses up four times a week while scavenging through my garbage. I like the kitchen time after work - I just hate it before work. In addition, I'm cooking dinner for my little brother and me so there's the satisfaction of doing something for someone else, while the breakfast thing would just be for me, so what's the point?

But about two months ago I stepped on what would soon become my arch-enemy. I'm about 6 feet tall and was an athlete in high school, playing on my school's football team. I have been in pretty good shape throughout my life in spite of my BS diet. (Those initials are not Periodic Table abbreviations, by the way.) A little research indicates that a dude my height's "Ideal Weight" should be 175 lbs. which is around where I've been the past ten years, most often, though, I'd been weighing 172. Well, my arch-enemy gleefully told me in quite harsh and ridiculing fashion, "You're crushing me with your 189 pound lard-ass girth, fat boy!!!" And I was scared.

So I asked my little brother to step on my arch-enemy, because obviously that SOM' Bitch was lying or at least malfunctioning. Now my little brother is about 5' 5" tall and still growing, but more interested in video games, limiting his physical activity to showing off on his bicycle so he can break his arm (which is a story for another time). So my little bro settles in a top Captain Crabby Pants and is immediatedly shouted down in an unrivaled demeaning tone, "Get Off! Get Off! Two-tons of Buns!" A closer check showed my not so little bro registering in at 217 pounds, and that made me even more scared.

How'd we get so fat? (That's rhetorical)

So I started to get into an exercise routine on my own after work and was putting in about 3 miles a day, 5 days a week. My little bro has been doing Hapkaido for 3 years, 3 days a week for an hour and a half each time, and while it has taught him valuable philosophy about self conduct, it obviously hasn't kept his weight down. We signed up to do a 5K walk because my little brother didn't think he could run it, and he was right. It was a struggle for him to keep up a 20 min/mi pace.

So what can we do outside of going on The Biggest Loser(s) to get this expanding waistline issue under control? I know Nonny Nu has a coach and hiking buddies. But judging from your Blog Photo, you seem to be in tip-top hippity-hop shape as you're hopping down the bunny trail. It's time for an intervention.

...there's more to this story--click me!

Some Shameless Happy Birthday Ass Kissingby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

Let me take this opportunity to shamelessly provide some smooches to The Honorable Editor-In-Chief of The World Of Nonny Nu on the occasion of her Birthday.

Go NN, It's Your Birthday!!! Go NN, It's Your Birthday!!!

Anyway, I searched the world over to find an appropriate gift, but that company doesn't make gift boxes like this one (Seriously, someone needs to talk to their marketing department). Unfortunately, like most of my shopping trips looking for stuff for other people, I end up seeing something for myself.
HANDY TUTORIAL HERE:

How do you kiss ass successfully in a typical work environment? Follow the 10 simple steps below:
10 STEPS TO KISSING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP

1. Never talk bad about the current boss to anyone! This includes fellow coworkers who may start the conversation. You never know who's listening and you never know who will say something.


2. Never, ever confide personal details about yourself to anyone at work. Even the most trusted coworker will turn around and blab his mouth all over the place. People usually take "Don't tell anybody, but..." as "Don't tell anybody, but if you do, make sure they don't tell anybody." Within twenty minutes, rumors usually get around to the secretary who's sleeping with the boss. After that, you're off the promotion list.


3. Never, ever make friends at work! Once you've kissed your way to the top, you may end up having to fire some of these people. It's a lot less painless if you've kept your distance.


4. If your immediate boss is retiring or quitting and you have your eye on his position, find out who's going to be making the replacement decision. Very rarely will it be your boss. If your boss is popular with upper management, have him put in a good word for you and proceed with the second half of the next step.


5. If upper management is happy your boss is leaving, talk to your boss' boss and kiss his ass. A lot of times you don't have to wait for your boss to quit. If you can nonchalantly get in good with the higher ups, you may end up taking your boss' job anyway. Don't offer suggestions on how to better run the place, those are too easily shot down. Tell him that your mother's maiden name is the same as his last name and that you're probably related. This technique is especially powerful if he has some off the wall ethnic name! Find out which church he goes to or what organizations he belongs to and "just by coincidence" run into him at one of these places. "Wow, we think so much alike!" or "we have so much in common" is a good ice breaker.


6. As soon as the decision making person trusts you, you can eliminate any competition by saying things like, "You know, I think so-and-so would be a good manager, but...and I really don't think I should bring it up...but, I've heard him say that if he was promoted, he's going to start his own business and take our client base with him. But please, keep this between me and you." Believe me, as long as you can say it with a straight face, so-and-so will be cleaning the corporate toilets the following Monday!


7. Once you've gotten your boss' position, start kissing higher level asses by repeating the steps starting with number 5, in addition to using the advanced ass kissing techniques that follow.


8. Hire yourself a whipping boy; someone who's young, impressionable and expendable. Tell him crap like, "You can go far in this company. Just follow my lead." His main function will be to spy on your subordinates, eliminate anyone trying to kiss his way into your position in addition to taking the blame for all of your mistakes.


9. Make yourself look important. Leave instructions before going home to "page me if there's any problems." Have your whipping boy start some type of bogus crisis that only you can fix. After coming back to work, have your whipping boy call corporate and inform them that you've come back and are handling the problem. If you know a few customers personally, have them write a letter of praise to the company President telling him how you saved the day.


10. Make yourself look good on paper, too. Ask for an increased budget, then lay some dead weight off, order cheaper supplies and replace menial jobs with state-sponsored mentally retarded workers. Then, next quarter brag about how much you came in under budget and how much money you saved the company! Also mention that given the opportunity you could do the same for the whole company! Can't you just see the CEOs' mouths just watering?

I hope those tips help out TWoNN's bloggers!!!

Now getting back to the subject at hand and my search for the appropriate gift coming up empty. Since I couldn't find The Maggi Sauce, and it appears that Nonny Nu also has a love for flowers, I wrote this song. Hum any melody that you care to and shake your jewelery for percussion.

THIS FLOWER

The beauty of this rose will fade

But the memory of its beauty will remain

The flower and friendship are the same

Two of the beautiful creations of God's Domain

This flower is yellow like the sunrise

High in the sky the sun's shining bright

When you see it think of better times

And always remember that it is Her light

A friend is someone who is like the sun

And together with this flower the three are one

Each start off weak, then grow to a peak

Then they drift on slowly until the cycle is complete

And as every day you watch the sun set

Keep in mind that there are better days yet

For the flower and the sun will rise up again

And the beauty of your memories will still remain

So Hallmark is not going to be hiring me anytime. But I sincerely wish you a Happy Birthday, Nonny Nu. You are a beautiful friend.

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More Music Therapyby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

O.K., so from my previous guest blog on Karaoke you should know that I place great value in music as a tremendously therapeutic device. I don't wish to be repetitive, so shoot me if you think I am or indulge me, but I really perceive music as a legal drug, allowing one to be transported to another plane of being. When it is well done, it can be as beautiful to the ear as the wildflowers (sp. indigo spammamammajamma) that Nonny Nu has photographed are to the eye. Music can be as revitalizing as the fresh air that the Nonny Nu crew inhale during their hikes. I think we need to appreciate this natural beauty in all its forms.


Music has the power to be the plush comforter to wrap around you when you need a hug. Music has the ability to shift your mood from unmitigated sorrow to unbridled joy or vice versa. For me, and I realize I may come across as overdramatizing, music is seemingly the essence of living - it has helped me cope with hard times and enhanced the good times ten fold. I can't imagine life without music.

I've been trying to transmit my love for music to my little brother for the past 5 years. As a reward for getting all A's (is this breaking Nonny Nu's previously posted apostrophe rule?) as a 13 year old, I took him to his first Rock Concert - a five act show with Linkin Park as the headliner - not my choice but his. We made it through the first 4 acts, but :15 minutes into the Linkin Park set, (the band he really wanted to see), he said he was tired and ready to go home! That was a $150.00 well spent. *rolls eyes*

I've been thinking of taking him to The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame in Cleveland. He's full of questions about who's in it, will it be like Tenacious D and The Pick Of Destiny, will he see Fall Out Boy, etc? So I did a little research and found this wonderful site about eligibility and future inductees. If you're interested check it out.

Now the site creates a wonderful opportunity for debate regarding who will get in vs. who should get in, and I'd like to make some predictions. For those of you at home or the office, please score along with me and put this blog in a time capsule for future reference as to my ability to divine such Earth-Shattering information.

• 2007: Sure Things: Madonna, Metallica, Beastie Boys, Sting. These artists set standards for their particular styles of music and have had career longevity.
• Should Be's: The Bangles (as female only rock group), Culture Club (80's pop- soul perfection), Ice-T (although he's a better big screen star than rapper), Yaz (faggy synth-pop groundbreakers).

• 2008: Sure Things: Bon Jovi, Violent Femmes, Run-DMC. These groups again have very little in common with one another, but each excelled at what they did. One could argue that no rap group should make it into the Hall since they aren't Rock & Roll per say, but the Hall has already broken that barrier with the inclusion of Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five. But these three groups all seem to appeal equally to both genders. You can predict that if you went to a concert today of any of these three you would see a 50-50 mix of men and women.
• Should Be's: Lita Ford (pioneering hard rock female), Stevie Ray Vaughn (dead guitar hero), New Edition (before BB went nuts this group turned out a string of jams), Wham! (no, they didn't last long, but who can deny "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"?).

• 2009: Sure Things: Hard to say that any are sure things when compared to the other Rock & Roll Classes that have come before or will come after.
• Should Be's: Red Hot Chilli Peppers (diversity of musical styles), Pet Shop Boys (just because "...I feel like taking all my clothes off and dancing to the rite of spring...") Cyndi Lauper (critics love her), Sheila E. (dexterous female musician - too bad people often only think of her as a Prince Sideshow- this woman can play).

• 2010: Sure Thing: Whitney Houston. One could argue again that Whitney is not Rock & Roll, but her early career was record breaking in terms of numbers of Number 1 hit singles. Before there was Mariah, Celine, X-Tina and the rest there was Whitney. Despite what she has become today, I think she still gets in on the merits of her first four albums.
• Should Be's: Indigo Girls (folk singing lesbians - who doesn't love them some folk singing lesbians?), Enya (perfected that ambient sound).

• 2011: Sure Things: Bob Geldof gets in for his role in organizing LIVE AID. Guns & Roses for resurrecting hard rock. Salt 'N' Pepa are still the all time best selling female rap group.
• Should Be's: Crowded House (beautiful Brit-Pop), They Might Be Giants (quirky, indescribable good times), The Melvins (pioneers of the Seattle Grunge scene).

So those are the upcoming five classes of musicians who are eligible for induction to the RNRHoF. If this is well received, I will post my predicitions for the next five classes in a future entry. If I've just bored everyone with senseless information, I'll just turn up my iPod headset to 11 (which is one more than the standard). Freelance Midget will award you 4 street cred points if you identify that reference in the previous sentence. What are your predictions?

MESSAGE TO NONNY NU

Please delete what follows:

Nonny Nu: I'm too tired to add the little linkey clickee things tonight, if you'd like to add them as you see fit, I would in no way be offended, it would be a great collaboration Or I can do it in the morning.

MESSAGE TO Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Dude, you are so delusional. Get to work!!

Your editor,
Nonny Nu


MESSAGE TO NONNY NU

I'm about to go Cesar Chavez all up in here! FM, Cl. Panic, Monkeypig, are you with me?
MFU



MESSAGE TO Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Here, I'll help you along. Print this out on something sticky and apply it to your car's bumper:

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Attack of The Endorphinsby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

Perhaps I'm still under the effects of the natural opiates of this weekend's performances, but I'm feeling tremendously great so far this week. Sure it's only mid-afternoon Tuesday, but I hope this stupor continues through 'til Friday! See, I would guess a bunch of you will not understand the pleasures of making a fool of yourself in front of a large gathering of other supposedly humanoids, but since an early age it has been a passion of mine. I love performing!

So around the time I was finishing High School I bought the elementary version karaoke machine that has since been upgraded many times over. And in the ten years since, I now have amassed over an astounding 2,500 indelible song favorites in my karaoke library which I share with throngs of thrill seeking, self-deluded star wannabes at often wildly drunken functions for a small (read sizable) fee. (Hey, I'm a social worker - my career is basically pro bono - so I have to make up for it somewhere!) Other times, especially during the Holiday Season, I donate the use of my services, equipment and library to my client's for our annual Holiday Party as a "rehabilitative" incentive.

For those of you who have never had the nerve to try karaoke, there is something inately cathartic in singing your ass off. And get real! Everybody is a closeted performer! Some of you sharing the gift of song with only the appreciative criticism of your loofa sponge and bath gel as your audience, while others among you are classic car singers. Confess - you break into song quicker than Judy Garland in Wizard of Oz when one of your jams comes on while you're tooling to the grocery store for some Maggi Sauce. My developmentally disabled clients understand the freeing nature of music and can just dissolve past their limitations when they have the mic in their hands.

So getting back to this weekend, I KJed (karaoke jockeyed, not to be confused with KYed) a friend of a friend's friend's 40th birthday party bash. As the host of the festivities, it is my responsiblity to warm up the crowd with some lively tunes and demonstrate how awesome and professional even the least talented among the crowd will sound with the goal to get them to let their inhibitions go. Intoxicants also help.

So, as usual, I broke out some soul stirring R & B to get things started. Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours), and The Spinners' "I'll Be Around" are routinely well-received, showing both fast and slow tempo songs can be admirably performed. Then I turned things over to the crowd. Several grossly inebriated versions of "YMCA," "Brown-Eyed-Girl," "Celebration" and "I Will Survive" were to follow from the party attendees. One guy had seen Wayne's World one too many times and butchered "Bohemian Rhapsody". James Brown's "I Feel Good" was given an amazing rendition complete with choreography. But before things got broken - meaning both furniture, windows and James Brown's tibia - I took back over the mic for some more R & B standards. During this time the guests could find their way back to the booze and I could briefly regain control of things. Almost as cliched as "Celebration", Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" always works well as a sing along because everybody knows it. Then I segued into an incredible version, if I do say so myself, of "Drift Away", another sing along , then right into "Me & Mrs. Jones" and The Temptations' "I Wish It Would Rain" that had people reaching for their Zippos. I really get off on those '60s and '70s soul tunes. I was feeling like Prince in Purple Rain!

After a brief intermission, the crowd had their turn again, unleashing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", a Madonna medley of "Like A Virgin", "Papa Don't Preach", and "Music", "Mack The Knife", and then some fellas felt like crooners and showed that there will really only ever be one Frank Sinatra. But the thrill is more infectious than Legionnaire's Disease. Speaking of Prince, I unveiled "Little Red Corvette" and I finished things off with a duet with the guest of honor's
husband (who was to afraid to go solo) singing "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World" for her.

Now there are some amazingly talented karaoke singers that I've come across in ten years and some ultimately dreadful ones. I think the dreadful ones could become better if they had the benefit of virtual 24 hour access to practice karaoke in their basements like I do. I'm sure all of you could proudly strut your stuff with enough rehearsal and serious car tunes!!! What would be your signature song?

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The Motht Hated Profethionby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

You know thothial workerth and lawyerth get a bad rap. There'th all kindth of thtereotypeth and bad joketh about people who have chothen thothe careerth. Everybody'th heard them ridiculed ath heartleth thelfith, and thleathy. But ath I thit here typing thith, with immeathurable amountth of thaliva oothing from the corner of my mouth - I've dethided that the real motht hated profethion thould be the dentitht.

Look at him up there^^^^, all wrapped in antitheptic gear, rubber gloveth that go up to hith elbowth, jutht waiting to dig hith little handth into my incredibly overthtretched and gaping mouth, hith whirring thounding toolth of math dethtruction ever ready to inflict inthcrutible pain to even the motht thuthpecting of thweet patientth like me. That'th what I had to fath today, cuth of a thingle cavity that needed fickthing. Now my teeth hurt worth than before. That'th why I believe the dentith ith offithially my motht hated profethion. Can I get a thecond opinion and pleath path the drool cup.

Thee, it wouldn't be tho dethpicable if the dentith would have left me with thome thembelanth of a chanth for otherth to underthtand me - but ath he wath concococting the mythtical potthion he thearched my fath and thaw the fear in my eyeth. He thwifthly moved forward - thrynge in his thweaty gloved up handth and without warning protheeded to thtab my gumth with thith thtrange and incapathitating fluid that may have left me permanently dithabled.

What'th with theth thadithtth? I mean it taketh a thpethial kind of thick to want to thpend 10 hourth a day with your fingerth in thomebody'th nathty mouth, doethn't it? Think of all the timeth theth bothoth are conthtantly plathing their notheth at the rethieving end of the putrid thmell of halitothith. Could you thtomach that?
Thith type of attracthion to the theedy thide of life ith what thetth the dentith up ath the motht hated profethion.

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One Small Step for Man from U.N.C.L.E.by Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

So The World of Nonny Nu will never be the same, as The Man from U.N.C.L.E. ventures for the very first time into the realm of guest blog contributor. Let's all pray to our personal higher power(s) that it isn't all awkward and fumble-y and pre-mature like so many other first times. I've taken the necessary precautions such as they are (*thought about cement* *recited alphabet backwards* *got hung up at the illusive PONML and had to start over*) and hope Nonny Nu's readers will do the same.

When Nonny Nu asked last week if I'd be interested in contributing, I was all gung-whore, thinking that I could whip something off without much thought. But writing - even minus all items of apparel which were quickly shed (obviously with no brain activity) - only showed how bereft of clothing and original thought I was. I got filled with anxiety like I was during my other first time, worrying if I'd measure up to all the guest bloggers that Nonny Nu had had before; the adventureous Monkeypig, the cleverly frustrated Freelance Midget, and the fish seeking Cl. Panic. Would I be as good as them? Would I be as good as Nonny Nu was to her own blog? Would my contributions warrant a second date? Would it be as good for you as I hope it'd be for me? And what about my needs?

After I pulled myself together and stopped whining like a little cry-baby bitch, I pulled up my bootstraps and turned my brave face to the world (of Nonny Nu). I began bold brainstorming as a technique of foreplay. I put on my most seductive, pleading gaze and romanced this blog. Soon this very blog entry was screaming, "Yes, Yes, Yes!!!" Then, "No, No, No!!!" To which, much like my last first time - I replied "Ooops!"

Damn! Pre-mature again.


So with that as the pre-amble of this very first guest blog contribution by the Man from U.N.C.L.E., I am still filled with questions. I spend a lot of time on the internet and find that most often the people I end up conversing with are women. Women of all ages and backgrounds with diverse levels of education and a multitudinous range of personal and psychological development. It would be like striking gold or finding diamonds or falling into an Amazon Jungle if I were a straight male, but that is not the case. So I ask you - wise and beloved readers of TWoNN - put on your Will & Grace thinking caps and tell me what it is about us gay guys that straight women find so fascinating? Why are we so safe to befriend? Do you think that somewhere in the recesses of some straight women's minds that they want to be the one who straightens out us men loving men (pun intended)? Or are we really just substitute girlfriends for them?


* I apologize in retrospect for my completely 1957 technological ability to post cool links within the text. Even with the previous Nonny Nu tutorial, I still require remedial lessons.

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