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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Frosting Frosty: Baking Wars of 2007
by Cl. Panic (guest blogger)

Something of utmost importance occurred over the last weekend, but our dear friend Nonny Nu has yet to cover the incident. As I normally do, I checked in with my mental health professional and discovered that Nonny Nu is suffering from a severe case of CCH. Check out the DSM IV if you don't believe me.

Anyhow, Willy Wonka and Green Thumbs McGillicutty threw down over the weekend and engaged in the First Non-Annual TWoNN Bake-Off. Though some allege that they were seeking out other possible career choices (which would explain why Willy Wonka was "helping out" at the local Juffy Lube two weeks ago), they claim it was a purely academic endeavor. Regardless of the real reason, they found themselves in a cookie decorating class hosted by a renowned pastry chef in his San Fransisco loft.*

Armed with sugar, food coloring, little toxic silver balls, and parchment paper pipettes, the students attacked their assigned sugar cookies as would any ordinary reasonable prudent baker. White snowmen, orange and blue butterflies, silver martini glasses . . . they went as crazy as members of the bar can get.

So who's the winner? NN demanded a poll to find out.

Green Thumbs McGillicutty's Submissions:

Willy Wonka's Submission**:

* Said chef officially having the best job ever.

** Willy Wonka attempted to sway the ratings by including a shot of his antler-wielding canine, pictured above. Nice try Mr. Wonka. But ain't that Winston cute?

Cast your votes for the winner of the 2007 Baking Wars!


Bobby Peru said...

little things make a big difference under heavy scrutiny.

notice how wonka foregrounds his pastries against a complimentary colored dish, whereas green thumbs seems to have murdered open her carrying box, as one might do a shark to study its recent ingestion. now, while both snowmen seem genuinely friendly, my taste drives me toward the more traditional three-button suit; another check for wonka. finally, all being equal, you just can't go wrong with accent pictures of happy children or dressed up pets--wonka's final nail.

unless green thumbs hurriedly changes her submission to include scantily clad santa's helpers displaying her goods as a "price-is-right" model might do for aqua velva, wonka is the clear favorite here.

~ ~ ~

Nonny Nu said...

Wow, this is a close one. Usually, effort and exceeding expectations, when unaccompanied by exemplary results, doesn't really count. I mean, who cares how hard Cl. Panic tried to tie me to a DSM-IV illness? The fact is that I am as mad as a hatter right now, and the DSM-IV simply does not do me justice. But, since both sets of cookies look, I think I'm going to have to go with the contestant who exceeded my expectations on this one.

Now, we have all seen what Willy Wonka is capable of:
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D

And, last but not least, Exhibit E. Now, as this last exhibit shows, Willy Wonka is pretty much capable of anything. Green Thumbs McGillicutty, on the other hand, is generally known throughout NN&N, LLP, as being only capable of taking the credit for beautiful flowers while the true flower heroine goes unrecognized. Needless to say, if Green Thumb's Christmas tree cookie bears even a slight resemblance to a plant, then Green Thumbs has outdone herself. With Willy Wonka, unless this is one of the cookies he decorated, it's really subpar performance by him.

So, my vote goes to Green Thumbs, for exceeding anyone's expectations of her. I take my hat off to you, Green Thumbs. (See supra.)

Nonny Nu said...

"Bobby Peru," I'm surprised you're not "King Friday, XIII" today.

King Friday XIII said...

Y'all take a listen, you'll hear the deep sound comin' down from Bobby Peru.

~ ~ ~

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

This is a tough call. I prefer the more ornate butterfly wings decorated by Green Thumbs. However, the intricate design of the pattern on the white snowflake crafted by Willy Wonka vs. what appears to be a lazy effort by Green Thumbs, puts Willy Wonka slightly ahead. Like Bobby Peru said, adding a fourth button to the Snowman seems ostentatious. You can tell that horticulture is Green Thumbs specialty because her tree looks magnificent, while Willy Wonka's tree has a sloppy appearance (specifically the dark dot in the middle of the tree). With the champagne glasses Green Thumbs over does it again, adding an extra toxic silver ball when the recommended 12 would have been the symetric choice.

So in a best of five match, Willy Wonka noses out Green Thumbs 3-2. What's that I hear from WW? "Ain't gon' be no re-match!"?

Stillman said...

what did cl. panic do at dinner to warrant the fatwah?

Cl. Panic said...

Stillman, you know how NN is sometimes. NN was recognized for her contributions to the firm. She's so shy sometimes.

Stillman said...

Our little wabbit's all grown up... Sniff.