The Sharpie Liquid Accent ConspiracyI call shenanigans!by Cl. Panic, guest blogger

I'll start by saying that I'm a pretty big fan of all things Sharpie. And the folks as Sanford have been great about replacing their products on the rare occasion that they fail prematurely.

Those who know Cl. Panic know that Cl. Panic is a bit of a pen nut. Not enough of a pen nut to have a blog about pens, but enough of a pen nut to read the blogs of others that are more pen-nutty (or creative) than I.

As it turns out, I really like the Sharpie Liquid Accent highlighters. Nice bright colors, free-flowing ink, and no stuttering to slow death -- the mostly-clear barrel lets you now when you're about to be highlighter-less. Unfortunately Nu, Nu & Nu, LLP doesn't stock such high-end fare in the supply cabinet. Just cheap-ol' no-name highlighters that fade from fluorescent yellow to dingy, washed-out yellow after a few days on paper.

Not surprisingly, my penchant for the Liquid Accent is shared with at least one co-worker, and at least one bigger pen-nut. After reading a comment over on Good Pens, I decided I'd try to refill one of the Liquid Accent highlighters. You'd know, save the earth and all.

Refill you ask? How in the hell . . . . Well, I have a bottle of Noodler's fluorescent ink that I've been using in a refillable fountain pen to annotate really boring TPS reports and to prepare for my meetings with the Bobs. It rocks. And so that comment got me thinking: I have a bottle of ink and an empty Liquid Accent. This can't be so hard . . . .

Out came the pliers (this thing was NOT easy to open) . . . wait. Hold on. What the hell? It turns out that the Sharpie Accent has a false bottom. Or false middle. Or whatever. And not in a good "the money's hidden under the false drawer bottom" kind of way.

It just so happens that the false bottom is hidden by the trendy graphics on the barrel of the highlighter! I inserted a straw into the cavity to illustrate the treachery (ironically marking the end of the barrel with a black Sharpie).



It turns out that these run out of ink so quickly not just due to my over-highlighting, but because they come from the factory about half full!

I call shenanigans.*

The clever black barrel design. The nearly impossible-to-open end cap. All part of the great Sharpie conspiracy? The world may never know.

* Granted my now-empty Sharpie Accent wasn't a recent purchase. Perhaps the Sharpie folks have since changed their ways. But given the wide-spread occurrence of Grocery Shrink Ray, I somehow doubt it.

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Rotten Robbie

I have a question about the Rotten Robbie gas stations. Is this a major brand name chain or something? Because I've noticed that they charge even more than, say, Shell or Chevron. Check it out.

Exhibit A
There's a Rotten Robbie on Saratoga that's just down the street from a 76 station and a Chevron station. The 76 and Chevron stations are both in the heart of a busy shopping center, yet Rotten Robbie is selling their gas for 4 cents more per gallon than either the 76 and Chevron stations.

Exhibit B
There's a Rotten Robbie on DeAnza with a Chevron just a block away. Chevron has a carwash where actual people hand wash your car for you. Yet, Rotten Robbie is again selling its gas for 4 cents more per gallon, even though it is farther away from the 85 than the Chevron. Sure, there are the Arco and US Gas stations that are selling the gas for $2.05 (6 cents more per gallon) than Rotten Robbie, but they are right off of the 85.

So, how is Rotten Robbie getting away with this and why would people go there instead of the cheaper Chevron down the road? Do they offer massages while you wait or free tote bags? What gives?

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You asked for it!, a photo-essay by Cl. Panic, double-crossed and then dared guest blogger

CP: That's it. This is going to cost you.

NN: I dare you!

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TurboTax: The Encore Presentationby cl. panic, caller of Shenanigans!

Last week I called Shenanigans on TurboTax Deluxe 2007. In response, Bob Meighan, the VP of TurboTax*, commented in response and in defense of his company's product. His comments on TWoNN, like his comments elsewhere, were more directed at "correcting" me rather than assessing problems and investigating possible solutions. Some credit is deserved for a V.P. who trolls cyberspace to get a feel for customers' thoughts. But correcting customers instead of correcting their problems is the wrong approach.

Based on Mr. Meighan's comments, I engaged in a more thorough review of TurboTax Deluxe 2007's shenanigans. Not expecting such an esteemed visitor at TWoNN, I didn't originally see the need to pile up mountains of evidence in support of my rant. My apologies to our regular viewers now that this becomes necessary (though you can now skip the details thanks to NN's mad HTML skillz).

In short -- not only did TurboTax Deluxe 2007 not meet my needs (mainly with respect to ESPP stock sales):

• TurboTax Deluxe 2007 over-promised and under-delivered;
• TurboTax support did not provide accurate solutions;
• although Intuit offers a "choice" of products, it failed to inform when a more appropriate product was available;
• TurboTax withholds some features from Mac users that are available to PC users of the same software.

While Mr. Meighan "corrected" a number of my "misperceptions" and assertions about TurboTax, he did not address several of the underlying issues. I should pause briefly to note that even if a customer incorrectly perceives something, perhaps there is something to be said about the fact that the perception occurred in the first place.

When I called shenanigans and noted that Intuit had been removing features and raising prices, I didn't mean to limit my assessment to a single year. The shift to extracting more for less has been an ongoing process. Like dropping rebates for e-filing, raising e-file rates, and shifting features to more expensive products.

Although I commend Intuit for offering free tax prep and filing to lower-income individuals (and appreciated it as a student), I noted that over the past five years things have changed. Since I happen to have used TurboTax for the past 5 years, I decided to do some comparisons. (The photo is actually from my Mac's Application folder.)

C.P.: TurboTax Deluxe 2007 misleads the user regarding its ESPP capabilities.
At least in TurboTax Deluxe 2007 on the Mac**, TurboTax Deluxe affirmatively states that it will handle ESPP for you. Even though it really doesn't.

TurboTax 2007's big improvement is the "life changes" section that is supposed to help narrow the issues. Well, one of those questions is about ESPP.

• TurboTax Deluxe 2007 specifically asks if the user participated in an ESPP in one of the very first "life changes" questions. Deluxe even responded "Your Employee Stock Plan - TurboTax will walk you though your purchase and/or sale for tax purposes to make sure you get all the savings you deserve."
• In spite of its promises, TurboTax did not walk me through my ESPP sales; instead, it offered very basic assistance, treating the transaction as a standard stock sale.
  
• TurboTax did not recommend an upgrade to Premier, even though Mr. Meighan notes that it would be a more appropriate product (see below).
• TurboTax did not list ESPP in the income list at all this year; the ESPP entry completely fell off the map (see below).

TurboTax Deluxe 2007 specifically informs the user that it can and will handle ESPP share sales even though it does not (notice the Deluxe logo at the top left). This is either a misrepresentation or a very serious bug. The user is left thinking everything will be taken care of ... even though it won't be.

Don't believe me? Check out a screencast of the entire process. (You may need to hit full screen and then drag to enlarge the video to see it clearly; thanks to OmniDazzle for the highlighting feature).

Bob said: "Deluxe has not changed from last year in this [ESPP] area."
Bob is right; aside from the defects noted here, Intuit did not substantially deviate from its treatment of ESPP in Deluxe. There has been a slow decline in services offered by Deluxe in this regard (links to screencasts):

• TurboTax Deluxe 2003 fully supported ESPP sales, including detailed interview topics.
  
• TurboTax Deluxe 2004 dropped interview support for ESPP sales, recommended using Premier instead, but still listed ESPP for manual entry and allowed the user to designate whether allocations were included on a W2.
• TurboTax Deluxe 2005 did not recommend using Premier, though it still listed ESPP for manual entry, and had the check box for wage allocation on a W2.
• TurboTax Deluxe 2006 recommended Premier and then just tells you how to enter manually (as an investment) without even limited support.
  
• TurboTax Deluxe 2007 asks about ESPP early in the life changes section of its interview. It says it will handle ESPPs, never warns that Premier is a better option, and then completely omits ESPP from the income choices later in the interview (it can be handled manually as a stock transaction).

I hadn't noticed these before because my previous participation in ESPP was limited to buying shares, which does not require any special treatment on the tax return (nor could I tell that TurboTax says to consider Premier once you start selling all of your hard-earned stock goodness).

So it appears that true interview support for ESPP in Deluxe was killed in 2004. So Deluxe 2006 was almost as bad as Deluxe 2007. Except that 2007 over-promises (above), and ...

Bob said: "However, if you want additional guidance and help in this complex area, then we recommend TurboTax Premier."
But ...

TurboTax Deluxe 2007 does not warn when Premier is more appropriate.
One of my complaints was that users were not warned that Premier was a better choice for certain areas (i.e.: ESPP). Mr. Mehigan did not address that issue; I believe that it remains a problem (apparently limited to Mac users) -- especially since the interview process promises that it will handle everything.

Prior versions had mixed success in warning users that Premier was a better choice for ESPP sales; Deluxe 2007 falls flat.

TurboTax Deluxe 2007 does not allow Mac users to immediately upgrade to Premier, and TurboTax support does not clearly indicate this fact.
So far, a user is left thinking everything is handled, and hasn't even been warned that another (more expensive product) is a better solution (since it might actually work). But even if a user knew he needed to upgrade, a Mac user cannot immediately do so (as a PC user can).

And Intuit's support is currently inaccurate. Just ask TINA (Intuit's Automated support agent) for help, and she'll give you the wrong answer (note that I specifically asked "How to upgrade to TurboTax Premier for Mac").
There's video of an attempt to follow TINA's directions to upgrade.

If you go digging in the support site, hidden at the bottom of a support document is a note that Mac users cannot upgrade within the software, but must contact Intuit for help. But a user reading about "Deluxe" may be unaware of the disparate treatment of Mac users, and may not scroll to the bottom -- especially since Mac users buy the exact same TurboTax Deluxe box as PC users.

Bob, please let TINA know she's wrong. And make that disclaimer in the support doc a little more apparent. Better yet, add full functionality to the Mac version!

Bob said: "If you had continued on to Final Review, our diagnostics would have picked up the incomplete information."
Remember, this complaint was about TurboTax's failure to note that it didn't get basis information when it sucked information down from E*Trade. Quite frankly, addressing this issue during the Final Review is hardly a solution.

Based on TurboTax's behavior, I was presented with a screen indicating I owed three times the amount actually due. Suggesting that I should continue clicking on, and proceed to submit the return before an error is flagged is ridiculous.

I hardly think my behavior was abnormal when, suddenly presented with $20,000 in extra taxes due, I panicked and tried to figure out what the hell was wrong. The last thing I considered doing was saying, "aw shucks!" going on to the Final Review. Instead, I set about re-entering the information manually.

Thankfully, it appears that the issue has been resolved, because when I tried to duplicate the error tonight, I received the necessary warning about the missing cost basis.

Bob said: "Most retailers charge $30 extra for Premier (over Deluxe). However, by law we cannot dictate the price retailers charge. The fact that you found Premier at a discount is good in that there is a lot of competition in the market."
This was responding to my complaint that, after two tries to contact customer service in order to manually upgrade from Deluxe to Premier, I declined the agent's offer of $30 to upgrade when it was cheaper to do so in a retail store.

Bob's answer may be true from a inside/outside sales perspective, but it ignores the customer experience entirely. It seems that a more customer-friendly solution would be to match the price -- or give the upgrade for free due to the frustration endured by: trying to overcome TINA's stupidity, locating the correct answer hidden on Intuit's website, a failed initial attempt (an e-mail agent that doesn't even specify the price of the upgrade), and then overcoming the overseas contract agent's language barriers to actually communicate the problem and determine a solution.

Bob said: "Oh, by the way, I'm always looking out for the most outrageous and absurd blogs about TurboTax. No, just kidding. I actually use Google to help me troll for TurboTax postings so I can listen and respond."

I'm hope that Bob really was kidding and doesn't think that this is "outrageous" or "absurd." I believe that there are some serious issues regarding Intuit's implementation of TurboTax Deluxe 2007. Perhaps these are limited to the Mac versions of the software -- even so, they should be fixed.

Hopefully this post will help. Bob: send me an e-mail and I'll let you know where to send me my fees for the Q.C. work. "No, just kidding."

* I assume that the individual claiming to be Bob Mehigan of TurboTax is, in fact, Mr. Mehigan for purposes of this post.
** All comments are based on TurboTax Deluxe 2007 (TurboTax Engine v. 07-91), installed on a Mac.

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Backyard Petting Zoo* on Steroidsby cl. panic, the Dr. Doolittle of Guest Bloggers

The other weekend I made a trip down to San Diego, which is apparently known for having a quaint little zoo. My favorite adult associate and I signed up for an annual membership. And since that means I now own a little piece of the zoo, I get to call it my backyard.

Holy crap, is it a big backyard! Complete with tour buses and a sky tram (just like Michael Jackson's backyard)! But not even Mr. Jackson can compete with the sheer number of animals that the world famous San Diego Zoo has amassed.

While you might be able to see a dik dik in Mr. Jackson's backyard, good luck finding a takin.

The most entertaining part of the visit was watching the swamp monkeys play with spotted neck otters. Shenanigans all around!

We also saw Mr. Nonny Nu. Who knew he loved carrots so much? I always thought he was more of a "baby seal" eater.

We waited in line to see the panda. It just sat there eating bamboo. No lessons about sexual harassment, no playful behavior, not even any eye contact with the enamored crowd. MMD IMHO. Since the zoo has to pay China $1 million a year for having the panda, you'd think it could at least do some tricks or something...

Oh well, there's still a lot to see. Good thing we got a pass, because you really can't see everything in a day. It's that big!

* Note: You cannot pet the animals.

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"No, it di'int!!" --Bob Meighan

Good grief. So, as you all can see, Cl. Panic's shamelisting of TurboTax has brought the illustrious (and prolific) Bob Meighan to our humble little blog. When I first saw his comment, I was honestly flattered. I mean, the VP of TurboTax here?? ["no way" --Freelance Midget (via Gmail Chat)]

Upon further research, however, it became quite evident that TWoNN means nothing whatsoever to Mr. Meighan. Mr. Meighan seems to be everywhere these tax days. ["he's all over google" --Lucy's Mom (via Gmail Chat)] It's hard to find a review of TurboTax that goes uncorrected by him. For example, on Amazon, he has three comments.* So, I guess we at TWoNN aren't all that special after all.

The photo at right shows Marvin the Martian's dramatic portrayal of Bob Meighan.

* Notice that, in the third review, Mr. Meighan rated the TurboTax product at 3 stars, which is above the midpoint, even though he characterizes this as "the midpoint." I guess, like 50 cents on TurboTax, the half-star gets rounded up on Amazon. I don't know though. That's a possible shenanigans.

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Shamelisted: Intuit's TurboTax Shenaniganscl. panic, guest finance blogger

In keeping with the shame listing theme, Intuit is getting added to the list for its TurboTax shenanigans -- another in a long list of profit-mongering, customer-screwing move by those good folks down the street in Mountain View. You listening Tom Cook?

Step One: Confuse the consumer.
So you're thinking of doing your own taxes with TurboTax? Great. Just pick your product and get started right away: TurboTax Basic, TurboTax Deluxe, TurboTax Deluxe + State, TurboTax Deluxe + State + e-file, TurboTax Premier + State, TurboTax Home & Business + State or TurboTax Business. Or, instead of buying and installing software, you can use TurboTax Online Free, Deluxe or Premium.

If you get the right software CD, it includes a free download of a state program, but probably doesn't include an e-file. Do it online and it includes a free e-file, but doesn't include a state product. But not all boxes include state. But some do include e-file. But even then, only the federal e-file and not the state e-file, even if they say they include State. Oh, and state is always a download, so you better have an internet connection no matter what.

And here's the thing: these all do basically the same thing. It comes down to the nuances, and Intuit's hoping that you'll be so confused that you'll just overbuy out of fear. Or they'll stick it to you on the back end.

Step Two: Remove features.
Being the ignorant consumer that I am, I purchased TurboTax Deluxe + State from a local reseller. Why? Well, I've purchased and installed TurboTax Deluxe for the past five years. It's always done everything that I need, including options for stock and ESPP sales.

But not this year. Intuit stripped out some of the investment capabilities, including complete and total removal of any help for people with ESPP. But it was in prior versions; I went back and checked (though with decreasing ease of entry)*. This year it's gone completely.

Step Three: HA! Upgrade, asshole, and get those features back.
Well that was the plan. Make the user upgrade to get all of the features that we removed. We'll just prompt the user, take some credit card details and restore the lost functionality.

Except that it didn't prompt me to let me know that there were more features to be had. After searching to learn that I was missing features, I asked TINA for help upgrading, and followed her steps, clicking on the appointed links. Nope. No choice to upgrade. As it turns out, they never added that feature for Mac users. So even though the support site says you can directly upgrade, you actually can't on a Mac.

Unless you deal with tech support. In India. And are able to successfully convey the problem. (That took an e-mail and a chat). And then? $30 to upgrade when there was only a $20 difference in price from the retailer to have purchased Premier originally.

Step Four: Do Taxes with the WRONG information.
So TurboTax is really cool and just sucks in your information from banks, employers and brokers. No manual entry. No mistakes. Quick and easy. Until it imports incomplete information without warning.

TurboTax sucked in my stock sale from E*Trade and went on its way. One problem: it didn't receive any cost basis or sale date information. Fine, that's E*Trade's problem. But TurboTax didn't warn me that there was missing information. Nor did it tell me that it defaulted the the most conservative treatment possible. Instead, it just assumed the basis was zero, and that it was a short term capital gain. Translation: Triple the tax on that stock sale.

Only when Cl. Panic exclaimed "WTF!" and started digging into the forms did he find the error. Thanks a lot TurboTax. Deduction maximizer my ass.

Step Five: E-File.
Oh, that'll cost you. $17.95 for your federal return and another $17.95 for the state return. (Or you can use the online, e-file included version, and pay an extra $29.95 to file the state return ... a fee not originally disclosed unless you look for it.)

Postage and certified mail with electronic return receipt will cost you a mere $4.47 for each return if you trust it to the boys in blue shorts with tube socks. And you can still get a direct deposit of your refund with a paper return.

Step Six: Call Shenanigans!
It took about 3 hours of wasted time to try and get TurboTax to do everything correctly. And granted, if I had purchased Premier originally, things probably would have been smoother. But Deluxe correctly handled ESPP sales in prior years, and I trusted my past experience.

I'm sending it back under the money back guarantee. If I'm going to spend $80 and three hours of time trying to get the damned thing to work, I'm better of paying someone else to do it. Especially since blindly trusting its import feature would have resulted in an extra $20,000 in tax liability.

Hey Intuit--thanks for nothing.

If you have really basic taxes, consider the truly free I-CAN online filing brought to you by the good folks in Orange County. Free federal and state (several states available) e-filing regardless of income status.

* Compare 2007 Edition (no ESPP option), with 2006 Edition (with ESPP option).

[Edits for readability spurred by recent status promotion.]

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