Attack of The Endorphinsby Man from U.N.C.L.E. (guest blogger)

Perhaps I'm still under the effects of the natural opiates of this weekend's performances, but I'm feeling tremendously great so far this week. Sure it's only mid-afternoon Tuesday, but I hope this stupor continues through 'til Friday! See, I would guess a bunch of you will not understand the pleasures of making a fool of yourself in front of a large gathering of other supposedly humanoids, but since an early age it has been a passion of mine. I love performing!

So around the time I was finishing High School I bought the elementary version karaoke machine that has since been upgraded many times over. And in the ten years since, I now have amassed over an astounding 2,500 indelible song favorites in my karaoke library which I share with throngs of thrill seeking, self-deluded star wannabes at often wildly drunken functions for a small (read sizable) fee. (Hey, I'm a social worker - my career is basically pro bono - so I have to make up for it somewhere!) Other times, especially during the Holiday Season, I donate the use of my services, equipment and library to my client's for our annual Holiday Party as a "rehabilitative" incentive.

For those of you who have never had the nerve to try karaoke, there is something inately cathartic in singing your ass off. And get real! Everybody is a closeted performer! Some of you sharing the gift of song with only the appreciative criticism of your loofa sponge and bath gel as your audience, while others among you are classic car singers. Confess - you break into song quicker than Judy Garland in Wizard of Oz when one of your jams comes on while you're tooling to the grocery store for some Maggi Sauce. My developmentally disabled clients understand the freeing nature of music and can just dissolve past their limitations when they have the mic in their hands.

So getting back to this weekend, I KJed (karaoke jockeyed, not to be confused with KYed) a friend of a friend's friend's 40th birthday party bash. As the host of the festivities, it is my responsiblity to warm up the crowd with some lively tunes and demonstrate how awesome and professional even the least talented among the crowd will sound with the goal to get them to let their inhibitions go. Intoxicants also help.

So, as usual, I broke out some soul stirring R & B to get things started. Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours), and The Spinners' "I'll Be Around" are routinely well-received, showing both fast and slow tempo songs can be admirably performed. Then I turned things over to the crowd. Several grossly inebriated versions of "YMCA," "Brown-Eyed-Girl," "Celebration" and "I Will Survive" were to follow from the party attendees. One guy had seen Wayne's World one too many times and butchered "Bohemian Rhapsody". James Brown's "I Feel Good" was given an amazing rendition complete with choreography. But before things got broken - meaning both furniture, windows and James Brown's tibia - I took back over the mic for some more R & B standards. During this time the guests could find their way back to the booze and I could briefly regain control of things. Almost as cliched as "Celebration", Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" always works well as a sing along because everybody knows it. Then I segued into an incredible version, if I do say so myself, of "Drift Away", another sing along , then right into "Me & Mrs. Jones" and The Temptations' "I Wish It Would Rain" that had people reaching for their Zippos. I really get off on those '60s and '70s soul tunes. I was feeling like Prince in Purple Rain!

After a brief intermission, the crowd had their turn again, unleashing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", a Madonna medley of "Like A Virgin", "Papa Don't Preach", and "Music", "Mack The Knife", and then some fellas felt like crooners and showed that there will really only ever be one Frank Sinatra. But the thrill is more infectious than Legionnaire's Disease. Speaking of Prince, I unveiled "Little Red Corvette" and I finished things off with a duet with the guest of honor's
husband (who was to afraid to go solo) singing "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World" for her.

Now there are some amazingly talented karaoke singers that I've come across in ten years and some ultimately dreadful ones. I think the dreadful ones could become better if they had the benefit of virtual 24 hour access to practice karaoke in their basements like I do. I'm sure all of you could proudly strut your stuff with enough rehearsal and serious car tunes!!! What would be your signature song?