Here to fulfill all your Nonny needs!

Happy Birthday, Willy Wonka!

Instructions for Commenting

YOU CAN COMMENT EVEN WITHOUT REGISTERING!

1) Make up a name--don't use your real name.
2) Click the "Post a Comment" link at the bottom of the blog post and then type your comment in the "Leave your comment" textbox.
3) If you have a Google or Blogger account, then click the "Google/Blogger" button in the "Choose and identity" section.
4) Otherwise, click the "Name/URL" button, and then put in your fake name in the "Name" textbox. You can leave the URL blank.
5) Or, you can chose Anonymous. In that case, put your fake name in your comment.
3) Make sure to put your fake name in your comment somewhere. Repeat commentors will be entered on Nonny's Hall of Fame!
4) Use the same fake name each time so we all know who's saying what.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sammich Chirality

I know that this blog entry is going to pull on the heartstrings of many, but most people are going to be too embarrassed to admit that they have the same problem. The problem? Sammich chirality.

There is a concept in science (Chemistry, in particular) called "chirality." Chirality is the existence of two molecules that are non-superimposable mirror images of each other. [What the gall-darned trash is she screamin' 'bout now? *places banjo on lap* *sucks on a straw* --Mr. Nonny Nu] The classic illustration that is used in Chemistry classrooms all over the world is the hand illustration. We can see chirality in our hands. They are mirror images of each other, but you cannot superimpose one upon the other. See here?

Okay, now, also in science (Chemistry, in particular) is something known as sandwich chirals. Now, I only got through basic college organic chemistry so I have no clue what the hell that is. You're on your own on that one.

But, mark this day as the day that Nonny Nu coined the term "sammich chirality," a variation of which is "sando chirality." *winks at Coach Nelson*

Alright. Sammich chirality--what is it? Believe it or not, this is a harder concept to explain than molecular chirality!! It applies to sammiches that are roll-based as opposed to slice-based. When you have a slice-based sammich, it doesn't matter how you eat it because it's open on all sides. You can spin that thing around, but when you bring it to your mouth, something is going to be dropping out of the bottom of that sammich. Okay, you get the idea. That's the problem with slice-based sammiches. Now, roll-based sammiches are a different matter. The nice thing about them is that they are closed on one side, thus limiting the leakage of the good parts of the sammich--the filling. Admittedly, you can't stuff as much into a roll-based sammich as you can a slice-based sammich, but there is really no substitute for that secure feeling you get with a roll-based sammich. Sometimes, though, people get greedy or lazy and they slice a roll all the way through, thus turning it into a slice and producing a slice-based sammich from a perfectly good roll. Those people are never welcome in my home.

Okay, so what have we learned about sammich chirality so far? Only that it applies to roll-based and not slice-based sammiches. We are now ready to actually view sammich chirality in all its splendor:



All I have done is taken a photo of a Lee's #5 sammich (above left) and made a mirror but non-superimposable image of it (above right). This, folks, is sammich chirality. Just like our hands, roll-based sammiches are chiral.

But, why should we care? Well, just like people, roll-based sammiches have an evil twin. You see, depending on your sammich eating habits, you are going to favor either the righty sammich (at right) or the lefty sammich (at left). Keep in mind that, with roll-based sammiches, you are supposed to position the closed side of the sammich downward. If you are right handed, you are more likely to tilt your head to the left, put your left hand under the sammich and steady the sammich with your right hand. If you are left handed, you are more likely to tilt your head to the right, put your right hand under the sammich and steady the sammich with your left hand. Try it right now! See?

So, when a right handed person (like me) encounters a lefty sammich, that just spells trouble. Now, the person has to tilt their head to the right, put their right hand under the sammich, and steady the sammich with their left hand, which is completely the opposite of what that right handed person is naturally inclined to do! Of course, they could turn their lefty sammich into a righty by flipping it so that the bottom of the roll faces the sky or start munching on the non-cut end of it, but who is willing to do that? Not me.

My sammich chirality problem is compounded by the fact that I grew up sitting to the television's stage right.* So, I was literally raised to eat with my head tilted to my left. Now, every time I get a lefty sammich, it almost kills all the joy of the sammich. I wish that there was an option to order lefty or righty sammiches, like there are options to order something with or without pickles. You wouldn't have to waste the rolls. After you sliced the roll in half, you'd just split them open on opposite edges like so to get two righty sammiches out of a single roll:



* Note that MonkeyPig chose to block herself into the corner so that she wouldn't have to get up to refill people's rice bowls. This is her regular practice. Even to this day, she will block herself in at restaurants and people's homes so that she doesn't have to get up in the middle of a meal to help out.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Coach Nelson says:

Sammich vs. Sando

Sammish: a half bagette of bread that might have something in the middle but you can't really tell because the place is too cheap to put in more than 5 strips of carrot and half green parsley-looking stuff (i.e. picture above).

Sando: two hunks of bread that never meet (because it has so many goodies in the middle).

Nonny Nu said...

According to your usage of "sando," there could never be sando chirality, since chirality depends on joined piece of bread.

Oh, and, bite me. *kisses*

Anonymous said...

Coach Nelson says:

Chirality is just a fancy way of saying cheap. When I got a rumbly in the belly -- I don't need chirality. Show me the substance!

Oh you wish.

Nonny Nu said...

Lunchtime with Coach Nelson.

How's the weather there down in 8-town?

Mr. Nonny Nu said...

you people are actually willing to pay $6-$8 for lee's? that's it. i'm opening a triscuit and cheese whiz shoppe that'll mint out the cash...cha-ching!

would you care for a $4 diet rite with your order? good, now how about some nice ice to go along with that? it's on special today.

~ ~ ~

Nonny Nu said...

Lee's costs less than $4. It's $3.49 for a #5 sammich. It's your fancy schmancy gweilo eateries that cost $6-$8 for a sammich. Oh, excuse me, "sando." *eyes* And, you know how "substantial" those "$6 sandos" are...

Look, at Lee's you get as much as you get at places like Le Bou or Panera. Except you don't pay twice as much for it.

Nonny Nu said...

Would someone please provide a working link to Le Boulanger? That's the fourth time I've tried it.

stillman said...

um. if you are willing to flip it over and make the bottom the top, doesn't this solve your problem? Methinks you are just a top/bottom snob. The poor bottom.

Nonny Nu said...

Of course, they could turn their lefty sammich into a righty by flipping it so that the bottom of the roll faces the sky or start munching on the non-cut end of it, but who is willing to do that? Not me.
No, I'm not willing to eat a patently upside-down sammich. It doesn't taste the same. Plus, the texture that you are expecting to feel on the roof of your mouth is going to startle the bottom of your mouth. Look, I've tried it. It just goes south from there.

Nonny Nu said...

Methinks you are just a top/bottom snob. The poor bottom.
*cue Bobby Peru*

stillman said...

We don't need Bobby, we all know you're a top. Although I wonder how a rabbit holds a whip without benefit of opposable thumbs.

Nonny Nu said...

Did you not see the video from yesterday? I don't need no stinkin' whip. Pffffffftt...

Cl. Panic said...

You know what, I think that the Lee's person today was wrong handed. My sandwich was backwards too!

And I stared at it for a minute to figure out what to do!

Nonny Nu said...

Are you left handed or right handed?

cl panic said...

Right.

Nonny Nu said...

Is your natural inclination to tilt your head to the left when eating a roll-based sammich?