Sammich Chirality

I know that this blog entry is going to pull on the heartstrings of many, but most people are going to be too embarrassed to admit that they have the same problem. The problem? Sammich chirality.

There is a concept in science (Chemistry, in particular) called "chirality." Chirality is the existence of two molecules that are non-superimposable mirror images of each other. [What the gall-darned trash is she screamin' 'bout now? *places banjo on lap* *sucks on a straw* --Mr. Nonny Nu] The classic illustration that is used in Chemistry classrooms all over the world is the hand illustration. We can see chirality in our hands. They are mirror images of each other, but you cannot superimpose one upon the other. See here?

Okay, now, also in science (Chemistry, in particular) is something known as sandwich chirals. Now, I only got through basic college organic chemistry so I have no clue what the hell that is. You're on your own on that one.

But, mark this day as the day that Nonny Nu coined the term "sammich chirality," a variation of which is "sando chirality." *winks at Coach Nelson*

Alright. Sammich chirality--what is it? Believe it or not, this is a harder concept to explain than molecular chirality!! It applies to sammiches that are roll-based as opposed to slice-based. When you have a slice-based sammich, it doesn't matter how you eat it because it's open on all sides. You can spin that thing around, but when you bring it to your mouth, something is going to be dropping out of the bottom of that sammich. Okay, you get the idea. That's the problem with slice-based sammiches. Now, roll-based sammiches are a different matter. The nice thing about them is that they are closed on one side, thus limiting the leakage of the good parts of the sammich--the filling. Admittedly, you can't stuff as much into a roll-based sammich as you can a slice-based sammich, but there is really no substitute for that secure feeling you get with a roll-based sammich. Sometimes, though, people get greedy or lazy and they slice a roll all the way through, thus turning it into a slice and producing a slice-based sammich from a perfectly good roll. Those people are never welcome in my home.

Okay, so what have we learned about sammich chirality so far? Only that it applies to roll-based and not slice-based sammiches. We are now ready to actually view sammich chirality in all its splendor:



All I have done is taken a photo of a Lee's #5 sammich (above left) and made a mirror but non-superimposable image of it (above right). This, folks, is sammich chirality. Just like our hands, roll-based sammiches are chiral.

But, why should we care? Well, just like people, roll-based sammiches have an evil twin. You see, depending on your sammich eating habits, you are going to favor either the righty sammich (at right) or the lefty sammich (at left). Keep in mind that, with roll-based sammiches, you are supposed to position the closed side of the sammich downward. If you are right handed, you are more likely to tilt your head to the left, put your left hand under the sammich and steady the sammich with your right hand. If you are left handed, you are more likely to tilt your head to the right, put your right hand under the sammich and steady the sammich with your left hand. Try it right now! See?

So, when a right handed person (like me) encounters a lefty sammich, that just spells trouble. Now, the person has to tilt their head to the right, put their right hand under the sammich, and steady the sammich with their left hand, which is completely the opposite of what that right handed person is naturally inclined to do! Of course, they could turn their lefty sammich into a righty by flipping it so that the bottom of the roll faces the sky or start munching on the non-cut end of it, but who is willing to do that? Not me.

My sammich chirality problem is compounded by the fact that I grew up sitting to the television's stage right.* So, I was literally raised to eat with my head tilted to my left. Now, every time I get a lefty sammich, it almost kills all the joy of the sammich. I wish that there was an option to order lefty or righty sammiches, like there are options to order something with or without pickles. You wouldn't have to waste the rolls. After you sliced the roll in half, you'd just split them open on opposite edges like so to get two righty sammiches out of a single roll:



* Note that MonkeyPig chose to block herself into the corner so that she wouldn't have to get up to refill people's rice bowls. This is her regular practice. Even to this day, she will block herself in at restaurants and people's homes so that she doesn't have to get up in the middle of a meal to help out.