Fluff by cl. panic, soon-to-be diabetic guest blogger

I never cease to be amazed by regional differences in the availability of foodstuffs. Man from U.N.C.L.E., for example, can't get Maggi sauce to save his life. (Not that this is odd given that Maggi sauce is anything but traditional USA faire and is probably made from lead). Back in the day, a friend who went to school in North Dakota asked us to mail him salsa and corn chips.

On my recent trip to the Far East I discovered a delicacy never before seen on California grocery store shelves: Fluff. Big thanks to A-Dog for introducing me to Fluff, which undoubtedly contributed to my 6 lb. weight gain during a four night stay in Boston. (The medium regulahs also played their part.)

Fluff is made in Massachusetts by angels, who blend a secret recipe of pixie dust, reconstituted cumulus cloud and sugar in carefully controlled batches.† The result: a light and creamy marshmallow dream that's spreadable, spoonable, and just plain better than run of the mill "marshmallow cream."

Apparently our New English bretheren are just smitten over this stuff. They even make something called a "fluffernutter sammich," which consists of peanut butter and fluff. Fluff is also healthier than jelly, which is not only made from fruit, but can be deadly. A-Dog swears that fluffernutter sammiches are simply delightful.

Consumption of fluff is also endorsed by felines, which have been known to injure humans as a result of a phenomenon known as FFA (feline fluff addiction).

After my trip East, I'm partial to the use of Fluff in hot chocolate. No more annoying wait while the hot chocolate breaks down the tough marshmallow exterior. And Fluff reduces the risk of a partially melted marshmallow sticking to your upper lip (of particular concern for our mustached readers). Just creamy marshmallow goodness floating on a sea of rich chocolate . . . .

Although the folks at Durkee-Mower want deprive California residents of their carefully crafted delicacy, I was able to smuggle a tub past TSA on my return trip. Anyone in the "ungroomed crotch of the Bay Area" up for a tasting?

† Okay, so these may not be the listed "ingredients," but they have to protect trade secrets, right? How else could "Corn syrup, sugar syrup, vanilla flavor, and egg white with no artificial preservatives, stabilizers, emulsifiers, or colorings" require no refrigeration (even after opening) unless there is pixie dust or an angel involved in the production process?

Thanks to Flickr users presta (crazy Fluff covered Massholes) and uzi978 (Fluff and hot cocoa) for making their photos available under the creative commons.