Unicorn Meat

I'm sure all of you have heard of unicorns. They are mythical horses with a single horn on their foreheads (one forehead and one horn per unicorn, please). Unbeknownst to me, they come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes, not just white. Some have wings. Some are black and some are striped and wear bell bottoms.

Long ago, unicorns were kept as pets by humans and were penned up near a tree because they like the shade. But, the advent of the teddy bear really got the unicorns in an uproar (they are narcissistic creatures and want to be the apples of their masters' eyes--one apple and two eyes per master, please). In the 1337 Unicorn Uprising, the unicorns relentlessly pursued the cuddly teddy bears and impaled them Vlad-style upon their horns. The public could no longer turn a blind eye to these blood thirsty creatures (one eye per public, please), and was forced to round up all the unicorns and exterminate them. Now you know why unicorns no longer exist in the world.

But, we at the Nu residence have brought back the unicorn with the help of linguistics and our own imagination. One of the restaurants that we like to order from is a Persion place that serves "koobideh," spiced ground meat that is shaped into a thin log, skewered, and then barbecued. At the Nu household, this dish is called "unicorn meat." Why? Because it is mystery meat that tastes good. That's the nuance that everyone should fully understand. Not all mystery meat can be unicorn meat. Only ones that taste good are elevated to the level of the unicorn.

Koobideh is often served with plain basmati rice (with a little saffron basmati for decoration) and roasted tomatoes. When we order the stuff, we get the rice, tomatoes, unicorn meat, yellow unicorn meat (from Asia), and actual chicken skewers:



Here's the completed plate:



Yum!