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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Earth to Mayor Newsom

We are no longer in the late 80s, and you are not Christian Bale.

Is it just me? Or is this guy uncommonly greasy for a mayor? And, not just of some rinky dink town. We are talking cosmopolitan San Francisco, after all. What's with the wet look this guy is sporting? I haven't seen anything like it since Pat Riley was with the Lakers. Now, I normally go for the clean cut, suited-up look but, for some strange reason, this guy just rubs me the wrong way (and not the good way like Bobby Peru).

Nevermind his zany affairs, his crazy stalkers, or the way he is constantly caressing himself. I am just talking about his look right now. Newsom reminds me of this waiter at a place Freelance Midget and I like to call "Grease Ball Noodle Soup." For those of you in the Bay Area, you will recognize this as the Mountain View branch of TK Noodle House (apparently, it is now closed). There was a low-rent Bobby Peru character there* who would ogle you and smile a "come hither, my sweet" smile as he led you to your table. I used to love to go with Midge because he'd ogle the "fresh meat" and leave me alone. Anyhow, he sported that slicked-back look that Mayor Newsom has made his signature.

So, please, Mayor Newsom, I beg you--get rid of that greasy ball of wax on your skull. It is distracting.

P.S. Christian Bale (another Nonny Nu-approved gentleman) and his, um, physique in American Psycho is one the best of all time. Check it out:

Mr. Nonny Nu, please model yourself after this person^^. Thank you.

*I know that you are wondering how this can even be possible, so don't even try to decipher what a high-rent Bobby Peru would be--he doesn't exist in this dimension.

26 comments:

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

Is the purple glove guy the mayor's proctologist? How come proctologists have such a wild-eyed look? Did I ever tell you the story about the crazy eyes my physician got when he was strapping on the latex gloves to check to see if I had appendicitis? Would it be more appropriate if I saved that story for another time?

stillman said...

does MF Uncle's post make anyone else feel dirty (and slightly titilated)?

cl. panic said...

Is this post not a violation of 4/3 Day?

How can I have so many burning questions?

Nonny Nu said...

Don't you know how to tell time, Cl. Panic? Isn't this blog entry clearly labeled as having been posted on April 2?

As for Man from U.N.C.L.E.'s, aren't you glad you had appendicitis?

Finally, who besides Nonny Nu is a Balehead on TWoNN? Why aren't you guys speaking up about that?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

What's the similarity between Cl. Panic's burning questions and my proctology exam? Would five guesses be too much?

Is my silence on the Bale issue that troublesome to you, NN? Can't I keep these things to myself?

Nonny Nu said...

Would it be wasteful for me to guess that the similarity between Cl. Panic's burning questions and your proctology exam are that many things were left unanswered? And, why are you so shy about Bale? Isn't he (to borrow cookie's expression) yummylicious?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

Isn't the similarity obvious? Has the term "burning" escaped everyone's recognition?

Nonny Nu said...

But what about Christian Bale and his yummyliciousness?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

"Yummylicious"? What, exactly, does that mean? Does it mean that Bale is edible? Where does frosting fit in your Bale fantasy?

Nonny Nu said...

Would it be too forward to say that they form the other to points in my food triangle?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

Are you asking, "Would I do him?"? Shouldn't there be extra points awarded for my last question within a question?

Nonny Nu said...

Shouldn't there be extra points awarded for my last question within a question?
Isn't that a great idea? How could I have ever guessed that there would be two bonus point rolls in the queue for Snakeye?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

How shameless of me was it to beg for points?

stillman said...

How shameless of me was it to beg for points?

Isn't it obvious that you and Panic get whatever you want? Did you see that even barb michelin is on the board through an off-rule suggestion that she get a point? That the only person who hasn't been granted a single request, rule challenge or otherwise is yours truly?

Nonny Nu said...

Dude, are you going senile? Don't you remember that it was you who asked for barb's point? How is it my fault that you asked for me to benefit someone other than yourself?

stillman said...

How is it my fault that you asked for me to benefit someone other than yourself?

Can't you see that, defeated and broken by you, I was nevertheless being altruistic toward ms. michelin?

Nonny Nu said...

Are you just trying to use guilt to mask the fact that you have been granted a request, but squandered it on some telemarketer?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

Is Barb related to THE Michelin Man? Could it be that Michelin was precognizant of NN's interest in a rubber gloved stalker because the rubber gloves were manufactured by Michelin?

stillman said...

Are you just trying to use guilt to mask the fact that you have been granted a request, but squandered it on some telemarketer?

Is this another NN attempt to claim there was some opportunity after it has already passed? Do I have two wishes left?

Nonny Nu said...

Hasn't anyone ever told you that we create our own opportunities (like the one you created but squandered on someone else)? And, does it say "Barbara Eden" on my business cards?

Man from U.N.C.L.E. said...

Does it? Do you have a pink belly baring silk scarf top, parachute pants and a silly hat, too? Is that how you made the acquaintance of bobby peru, Rev. Doctor Terry Valentine and the rest of the gang?

stillman said...

Hasn't anyone ever told you that we create our own opportunities (like the one you created but squandered on someone else)?

I somehow created the opportunity to give myself a point when barbara spammed your blog? Do you recall that other "opportunities" that resulted directly from my hours-long efforts to answer your questions were squashed by your cruel dictatorial decisions?

Nonny Nu said...

Is "Waaaahhhhh!!!" an accurate translation for that^^?

stillman said...

Wouldn't "F-this pop stand" be a more accurate translation?

Freelance Midget said...

greaseball noodle is NOT closed. just reincarnated as luu noodle.

Nonny Nu said...

Is the greasy waiter still there?

OMG, a shiver literally just now went up my spine.